Feeling Stuck? Get Back to Basics
All day long, we all are doing something - eating, sleeping, playing with kids or pets, working - something. We do things because we want to, but also because we need to - but which happens more? When we get stuck in a grind, often we might do things just out of routine, or because they have to get done. But are you doing what’s important to you?
When we feel stuck, when we do the same things every day - it can seem like we’re not making any progress. Or as if our life doesn’t have meaning. Often, this can happen whenever we are avoiding doing things that could help us, or even avoiding feeling uncomfortable to move forward in our goals. Anxiety, frustration, depression, stress - all of this can come up when we make tough decisions and take action to make our lives better. When have you ever done anything to better your life that wasn’t at least a bit scary, or hard to do? (Seriously, when?) So what keeps us going, past the stress, past the jitters and the fear?
Entrer Values!
Our values are the things that keep us going - the stuff that is so important, that we push past the worry and the what ifs, and continue to do what we need to do. A value is short and sweet - usually 1-2 words, like “be kind”, or “honesty”, that can be applied anywhere.
Often, people come to me and say their values are “have a good job” or “get married” - and while these are admirable, they’re not values - they’re goals. A good way to tell the difference is that goals can be ticked off of a checklist - and values cannot. Values persist no matter what is going on in your life - for example, if you valued honesty, you could do that at a Fortune 500 company, or your local mom and pop shop, or as a stay at home parent. There is no locked context to express your values!
Okay, but why does it matter?
You might know your values and be saying to me, “Yeah, yeah, I don’t need this.” But can I encourage you to take another look? More often than not, when folx come to therapy for help, at some point we will come around to the basic predicament - they aren’t living up to their values. They value kindness, but they’ve been so distracted by work and stressed that they’re snapping at everyone. They value gratefulness, but they spend their days hooked by thoughts that focus their attention on what they don’t have or haven’t achieved yet. They value being helpful - but every time it comes around for that volunteer event they’ve wondered about, they decide “Eh, I’d rather stay home today.” All of these people have values - but they’re not living by them! Whether we decide not to pursue them directly or indirectly, when we don't take action towards a rich, full life - we end up feeling empty.
So I encourage you to take a few minutes today and really think - what’s important to me in life? What do I want to stand for? How do I want to treat myself, and those around me? Once you know - check in. Am I actually doing things that exhibit these things? What can I add, or change?
If you’re having trouble building the rich, full life you’re looking for - or if you don’t even know what will make your life rich and full - click here. You deserve the assistance and compassion of a caring, dedicated therapist to build the life you want.
