How to Stop Feeling So Emotional
As we go through our day to day lives, we’re always feeling something - happy, disappointed, frustrated, whatever. Often, people come to me saying that they’re "tired of it” and want to “get rid” of the uncomfortable or overwhelming emotions. They tell me that they don’t want to change anything specific about their lives - just stop feeling x.
Sorry to say, I can’t, and won’t, help you “get rid” of emotions. Emotions are just like the weather - some days are going to be the beautiful sunny day we hoped for, and other days are going to be dreary and rainy. When those rainy days come, do we go outside, try to fight the weather, and demand it to change? Maybe in our head - but we know for certain that it’s not going to work. Same for our emotions - even if our emotions aren’t what we’d like them to be, we can’t fight them away - all we can do is make the best of them.
Well Then, Now What?
I told you I’d give you something to try - and I’m going to make good on that promise! First, a little background.
Say you had a beautiful boat. You spent the day out on the lake with all your favorite loved ones, and now you’ve headed back to the harbor and everyone has left. You’re closing everything up and preparing to leave yourself when you notice a thunderstorm off in the distance. It’ll probably get here at some point shortly after you’re finished with your tasks. What one task are you going to be sure you do before you leave?
If you said tie up the boat - you’re right! You don’t want your gorgeous boat to get washed away with the tide!
Just like real storms, and real boats - we have emotional storms deep within us that can arise and threaten our stability. Lost your job, kids are yelling just a bit too loud today, you dropped that fork on the floor for the 138497th time - and our emotional tolerance can wane and threaten to cause an emotional storm to blow through. Often, it can feel like there is nothing you can do, nothing effective anyways - and so you give up and let the emotions wash over you.
Let’s anchor ourselves.
Notice and Name Your Feelings
What do you notice in your mind and body right now? Are you feeling nervous, on edge, peaceful? Is your mind loud, bustling, worried, still? Are you noticing a tightness, pain, fidgetiness anywhere? Notice these feelings, and give them a name - “I noticing a lot of anxiety right now,” “My mind is quite loud today,” “there’s that tightness in my chest again.”
Take Control of Your Body
As you notice the thoughts and sensations, remember that you can control the body around them - and do so! Whatever movements feel natural: stretch, march in place, sit back or forward in your chair, press your hands together - anything. Notice the control that you have, and the movement you cause.
Get in Touch with the World Around You
As you’re taking control of your body, look around you - what are 5 things you can see? 4 things you can hear? Things you can smell, taste, touch? Where are you? What are you doing? What scenario are you in?
That’s it!
Repeat the above three steps until you notice feeling more present or anchored. Now wait! I don’t feel any better, you might say. And I’d say - that’s not the point of this exercise.
Just as an anchor on a boat cannot make a thunderstorm disappear, anchoring ourselves is not going to get rid of an emotional storm. The purpose of anchoring ourselves is to allow ourselves more stability and capability to weather the storm. For example, if you anchored right before a big meeting at work, or an exam at school, anchoring is very unlikely to make you calmer, or “feel better” - when this happens, take it as a bonus, but know it’s not the true goal of the exercise.
If you want to be more active after anchoring, practice doing something that is enriching for your life - something that goes along with your values, is meaningful to you, or will help you to tackle the problem at hand.
If you think you need more help, don’t hesitate to reach out. Click here to get started with a caring, dedicated therapist at Metamorphosis Counseling!
