Here’s Why You’re Not Happy All The Time
If you’re here, you’re likely noticing that something feels off. You’re not living up to expectations - your own, your family’s, society’s - to be happy. You think to yourself, I’m supposed to feel good, be content!
I’ll tell you a secret - you’re wrong.
Bull, Jess. That’s what we all are supposed to be - happy!
Nope. Happiness is not the natural state of human beings - and for us to strive for “everlasting happiness” is to set ourselves up for failure.
What the…
I know, it was surprising for me to learn, too! Pretty much every aspect of our culture - media, movies, self-help books - tells us we need to find happiness, make happiness, be happy - when in fact, happiness is just another emotion, like fear, anger, or sadness, and is on an equal playing field. Just like the weather changes, and it’s normal for some places to be sunny, warm, and blooming in October, while in other places it’s windy, getting cold, and the leaves are falling off the trees - our emotions change with our lives and the events we experience.
Say for instance, you’ve got a major job interview coming up. You really want this job, and you’re striving to do well at the interview. You’d likely feel a bit nervous - but that nervousness does something for you! It encourages you to dress nicely, comb your hair, brush your teeth, maybe even practice some questions through beforehand. Or say you suffered the loss of someone close to you - you’d likely notice some sadness, which helps you to connect with other people grieving, and to figure out how to sort through moving forward after this loss. Even uncomfortable emotions can help us, give us useful information, and provide guidance. Therefore, why would happiness be the default one? What makes it so special? (It’s not.)
Well Then, What Now?
Let’s look at happiness another way. Rather than seeking pleasure, enjoyment, or contentment - let’s think of meaning. Living life in a way that enriches you, contributes to your wellbeing, or otherwise brings that meaning to your life. What does that change for you?
To pursue meaning, we have to acknowledge and accept that, just as the weather changes, during our pursuit, there are going to be times when being joyful is the emotion of the season, and other times there will be pain - anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. Accepting our emotions as they come and deciding to pursue meaning alongside your experience can make all the difference.
