I Can’t Stop Feeling Anxious - 3 Things to Know When Your Coping Skills Don’t Help

When we experience anxiety - it’s uncomfortable. We don’t want to think about it, we don’t want to talk about it, and we certainly don’t want to focus on it. So as things give us anxiety throughout the day, how do we get through it?

Safety behavior.

1) What is safety behavior?

Safety behavior is the stuff that we do (or avoid doing) when we are anxious that seem to help us in the short term - but in the long term, it reinforces our anxiety and makes it harder to shake. It’s called safety behavior because it feels safe - but it ends up coming back to bite us in the ass.

Safety behavior consists of choices we make to distance ourselves from the thing making us anxious. When we engage in safety behavior, even though it feels good to do, we are distracting our minds away from the anxiety, not healing it in the long term.

2) Why it’s important to stop safety behavior

I get it - you don’t want to focus on the anxiety. But engaging in safety behavior is sort of like giving candy to a kid who is screaming that they want candy. It fixes the problem now, but it causes more problems in the long term.

You can also get caught in a loop by using safety behavior - when you use it, you teach your brain that you need it to get through. If you have to have a few drinks to get through the party, then you might feel like you can’t go to the party without drinking beforehand - or you might stop going to the party altogether.

If you’ve used safety behavior for a long time and want to try to change or stop, it can feel scary and insurmountable, even if it’s not. Whether you choose to work on anxiety on your own or with a therapist, it is difficult to fully recognize and work on the scope of your anxiety while you are still using safety behavior.

Take some time to recognize your safety behavior choices. Pay attention to your anxiety for a day, and notice what you do to try and feel better. Write it down in a journal, or keep a note on your phone with what you do, and how often you do it.

3) How to stop using safety behavior

Once you notice the things you’re doing to try to stop feeling anxious, do your best to stop doing them, or work on doing them less. Your monitoring can give you good information so you can step down - if you have 2 drinks before a party, just have one, then have none.

Think about why you want to stop using safety behavior - what qualities will you have, or what will you do, once you’re able to manage anxiety better? Will you be able to be more engaged with friends, do more fun things, perform better at work? Will you feel more authentic to yourself, or just be more in tune with your day to day?

The support of a loved one or help of a therapist can be very beneficial as you do this. Having someone on your side to cheer you on and remind you of your goals can be a big motivator.

You can live your life without feeling too anxious to enjoy it! The therapists at Metamorphosis Counseling woud love to help you overcome your anxiety - click here to get started!